Deep in the recesses of my hard drive(s) there are scores of reviews that I never sent out, posted or placed. A few of ‘em, my voice is scattered all over the place, whereas at times I’m shocked that pieces weren’t published. I’m bad at judging my own work, but I happened to stumble upon two reviews from some German band I recall having a pretty strong dislike for. If you heard either disc, you’d not have to ask why. So, here, in all its glory are two write ups of discs that no one should ever listen to.

Noiseshaper - Real to Reel

Newer electro groups that refer to themselves as dub generally end up being only tangentially related to the genre. Noiseshaper is no exception. The group quite clearly loves the reggae music and all music that stems from it. However, the group’s other influences generally over-power that warm strain of music. Not to say that the down beat isn’t readily identifiable, it is. On tracks like “Rise,” reggae rhythms are certainly present, but the techno and electro influence disallows the listener from perhaps categorizing the music as strictly and most singularly dub derivative. The saving graces of this album come early though. Ari Up, of Slits fame, makes an appearance and really fits well with the music. There is a dirty quality to both her voice and the production Noiseshaper has created. However, the most immediately rewarding appearance of the album is that of Beans. The unorthodox mc begins the album with Hawkman, who sounds a bit dance hall style. The track, “Sly and Robbie”, won’t change your life and neither will this album. But for fans of progressive electro and dub, it may satisfy.

Noiseshaper - Rough Out There

Sweet mother of Christ. Let me say that I guarantee that these gentlemen listen to some extremely good dub and reggae music. Additionally, if you visit their website, there’s a track called “Sly and Robbie Vice Vanity” on which a man named Beans raps for a little while. Having said both of these complementary and slightly inane, positive comments, I have two other things to relate. One, Noiseshaper is one of my least favorite names for a group in the long and varied history of music. Two, the music on this slab is pretty eye-stabbingly awful. From the first track on, there are occasional pleasing moments, but they’re so deeply buried in the mire that it’s not even worth trying to find them. What makes the entire outing even more offensive is the final track on the record: “Kung Fu Fighting (Noiseshaper Remix)”. Granted Carl Douglas was a star and is related to the music Noiseshaper is creating by virtue of being from Jamaica, but there really is no excuse for this final track. I won’t ever listen to this album again, but I have played the last track for a few people and enjoy watching each person’s jaw drop in amazement that someone took the time to do this.